To the girl I have never met,
I’m sorry for not starting with a dear, dearest or a plain simple Hi. Since I have never met you I don’t know how you would like to be referred. Once I did, and we got to know each other closely, I still don’t think I would need to start off with a salutation. You would know what I have to say and I know you would understand.
Understand is a pretty complex term. Many understand, but few understand what needs to be understood, fewer, the way it is to be understood. That’s probably why, in a world of more than a billion people we often find ourselves lost, lonely and quite often, misunderstood.
I know you are out there, and I somehow feel that you too are hoping against hope of meeting me. The strife, tribulations and scourges of a long and painful mental battle are too much to bear. The questions of the world are darts that hit hard. Where are you, when we will meet are the same questions I have. And unfortunately for you, and me too, I don’t have the answers, yet. The only hope is, that the one who has written our fate, the Almighty, knows. It’s in Him I trust, it’s in Him I surrender my future.
As the body is unable to control the reins of the mind, I often wander helplessly on to unknown paths, hoping that some action may trigger a ripple effect and beckon you. I linger in public places longer than usual, don’t get glued to my phone so I don’t miss you, be louder than my quite usual self hoping that may attract some attention, look at people twice hoping that a second glance may prove lucky, or stare and approach people I would never do, strangulating my shyness whilst hoping for a miracle. Every time I have done the above and failed, my confidence and belief has hit a new low, while my desperation, a new high.
I still wonder what it would be like to meet you, to spend my days and life with you. I wish I knew. But thankfully, there are some things I do and promise. To understand you, the way you want to, when nobody else does; to say nothing when you only want to be listened to, to hug you when you’re feeling cold, sad or lonely, to inspire you to do your best and meet your life’s purpose and give you the freedom you have every right to, even if it means letting you be alone to gather yourself while I lay helpless, if that’s what you please.
And when you’re not bogged down by your battles and being yourself bringing joy, life and laughter to those around you, I know I will stand at a distance and admire your every way and fall in love with you over and over again. I will thank God, the stars, the universe, count the blessings, you name it, for having you in my life and make futile attempts to fathom what I may have done to be worthy of you.
Who you are, how you look, how will I know it is you; are a mystery, an enigma to say the least. Will I ever find you, is my biggest fear. The body is giving up, the mind is losing its resolve, but there is still hope of dawn at the horizon. Hopefully it is only a matter of time. May your love be my strength.